Moonlight Sonata
by charlibubble
Summary: "Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." a GSR story I wrote forever ago and forgot about! :


**A/N: was clearing up my (many) random files and I found this! I wrote it months ago, when insomnia had taken over my soul. I hope you like it! Certainly cheered me up :-)**

I run in the darkness and in the rain because it cleanses me. My feet pound the pavement and the world melts away. All the terrible things I have seen, the horrible people I know populate the world disappear and it is just me. Me and the rain as I aimlessly charge into the darkness, not even sure whether I am coming from somewhere or going to somewhere.

Of course that's not entirely true, I know exactly where I'm going. I always do. I go to the same place every night, at increasingly ridiculous hours. I sit on my bench on the top of the hill and I look out over the world and every night I see something different, every night it means something new to me. Tonight I pound the pavement a little harder, I press my eyes together a little tighter and I pray that the rain will wash away the tears that fall from my eyes because I couldn't bear for anyone to see them.

And when I see him I'm almost tempted to run away, to turn around and run home. Forget my nightly stargazing ritual in favour of my warm home and my empty bed that is until his ridiculously huge dog bounds over to me with all the enthusiasm of Greg Sanders. That was my bench he was sitting at, on the top of my hill, gazing at my stars.

"I thought you'd come here tonight"

It threw me for six, I had assumed it was a coincidence that he was seated there the same way I did. I pushed hank away and slid into the seat beside him, exchanging stolen glances as the moon bathed us both in a magical silver glow.

"I live right over there, I see you sometimes. Or should I say Hank see's you"

The dog nestled at my feet, his huge paws forming a pillow for his chin as he joined us in our silent pondering. It's one of the simple things that I love him for, that I can be silent with him and not feel a need to explain myself or justify my quiet. He is as happy to be with me in silence as he is when I am heading off on an aimless rant about something or other.

We had worked hard for 3 long days and nights. 3 arduous shifts, without sleep, without eating, without thinking of anything other than the case and in the end the guy got away. He walked out of that police station with a knowing smile, ready to live a life he had stolen from someone else.

He didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve to breathe the fresh dewy night air, he didn't deserve to feel the rain on his skin or see the moonlight cast its silver glow on the world and yet he was probably out right now partying with another unsuspecting woman. He was probably having the time of his life; he was probably enjoying himself more than I ever had.

The fact Grissom cared enough to be here waiting for me only underlined the Fact that I had let this case get to me, and the worst part was he knew I let it get to me. He knew I was tormented by that man's evil grin and I realised I wasn't a mystery anymore. I could try to be but somehow he always saw past my veil of defiance. He slipped his arms around the back of the chair and I felt every tiny hair on the back of my neck stand on end. My heart flipping in my chest and my breathing quicken. It could have been an innocent gesture, a simple friendly hug but it wasn't, there was something about the moonlight, something about the way we sat there in silent understanding. We both knew where tonight was headed, there had been 5 long years heading to this point. 5 long years of cat and mouse and we were both done playing.

"That girl was so young, Grissom. She had so much ahead of her. So many dreams and she gave them all to… to that monster"

The tears I had been hiding betrayed me; they fell softly to my lap glistening in the moonlight like falling stars. The girls image haunted me, her smiling face, her sparkling eyes, she was a child prodigy, destined for great things but not only that she was a foster kid like me, a child longing for a sense of belonging, yearning for someone to tell her she was beautiful, that she was worth every star in the sky and when she got that she gave him everything only for him to take it all away.

He slid his arm around my shoulders, sliding across the bench until he was pressed against me and I could lean my head on his shoulder. And we sat like that for what felt like forever, the night slipping away. Hank sleeping soundly at our feet a heavy snort every few seconds just to remind us he was still there, still waiting for us to do something.

The adrenaline and sorrow were beginning to wear off, my rain soaked clothes clinging to my skin were itching and I suddenly felt really cold a shiver worming its way up my spine. The more I tried to supress it the more it took over until my whole body shuddered.

"Come on, I'll make you some coffee"

He didn't wait for an answer, simply steered me away from my bench, away from the park and the fog and the bright moon and into his sanctuary. I had been here before of course but never had it made me feel quite so child-like. I stood inside his doorway wringing my hands together, gazing at the oh so Grissom-like decorations and collections, my feet glued to the spot. I was afraid to impose, to push myself too far into his personal space. I would only get hurt and that was the last thing I needed right now.

He busied himself in the kitchen and I couldn't help but allow the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth materialise. He wasn't the same man in his home, not with me here. He was flustered and eager, opening and closing cupboards haphazardly as though he had no idea where anything was. He must have felt my gaze, because he looked up from way across the room. Looked directly into my eyes without a hint of worry or regret and he smiled at me. He would have been as well shooting me right through the heart with an arrow because that simple gesture took my breath away, that smile, that look, the pure subtle honesty of it all almost brought tears to my eyes.

"You can sit, if you want"

I began to will my feet to move, they suddenly felt terribly heavy and my wet clothes suddenly felt very restrictive. He noticed my reluctance, chewed over his inner lip as he watched me before simply breezing past me into the door by my side. I watched after him with confusion, I don't really know why I was surprised it was a typically Grissom thing to do but when he appeared at the doorway and waved me over I was even more confused.

The dark wooden floors gave way to a thick cream caret in this room as I moved around the doorway I let out a small gasp as I stood speechless in the middle of the room. I was in his bedroom, his actual bedroom, alone, with him and I had no idea what to make of the situation at all. My eyes shifted from the bed to him and back again. he was rooting about in the wardrobe, mumbling to himself and I stood there, heart racing, pulse pounding as I thought about all the many times I had saw this room in my dreams. The many times I had pictured lying in that very bed with his strong arms wrapping around me. I could feel myself flushing at the thought, if only he could read my thoughts he would most likely turn himself around and throw me on the bed for a night of unbridled passion then and there. But he couldn't and he wouldn't, he simply declared victory by handing me a ridiculously huge checked shirt and leaving the room with a smile.

Despite myself a small ghost of a smile cast over my face as I surveyed the innermost sanctum of Gil Grissom's home. My hands skimmed over the thick wooden chest littered with trinkets and fossils. Books were stacked on almost every available surface, not that I was surprised by that, he was like me in that respect, the pursuit of knowledge was a never ending journey he had told me once. I sat myself down softly on his bed, sinking into the soft mattress and feeling immediately at home. I belonged here, whether he knew it or not.

It felt surreal removing my clothes on Grissom's bed. A strange anticipation washing over me, he was not a naïve man but neither was he a promiscuous man. I was sure he had considered every possible consequence of inviting me here before he had done so. He had probably told himself it was a bad idea, he had probably coached himself on self-control and remaining detached before he failed miserably and while I was aware I was putting him in an awkward position just by being there me wholly intended to stay until he was in a different position entirely.

I slipped the shirt around my shoulders and casually started to fasten the buttons when my reflection caught my eye. My hair hung loose and depressingly lifeless by my shoulders, my skin had taken on that pasty whiteness it always did when I hadn't eaten in a few days, my eyes red rimmed and heavy. I wasn't exactly a picture postcard of seduction yet I stepped into the sitting room to a rapturous audience of one. He couldn't take his eyes of me, even in my current state with such sexy attire he still looked at me the same way.

"I made pancakes too, hope that's ok?"

I smiled my thanks as I sat at the table, just the two of us, sharing breakfast. It wasn't unusual for us to share a breakfast together, wasn't unusual for us to be alone together either it just wasn't usually in his house, with his dog watching and his stereo playing 'adagio for the strings'

We ate in silence; I felt a burden between us, an atmosphere descending over us as we exchanged stolen glances over our meal. I cleared the table with a flirty smile as he followed me to the kitchen, the basin already filled with warm soapy water.

"Just leave that, I'll get it"

He reached over to take the plates from my hand, accidentally placing himself in a position where he was up against my back. I could feel his breath in my ear, the beating of his heart through his chest, the warmth of his skin as he softly brushed his arm along the length of mine and for a second I couldn't breathe. I wouldn't dare move in case he disappeared and I woke from the dream I was having only as I squeezed my eyes closed tight I felt his hand slowly softly caress my cheek. Slowly, methodically and heartbreakingly gentle. I could have melted at his feet never to be seen again but instead I bravely opened my eyes, half expecting someone else to be standing there, for the whole thing to be an elaborate fantasy dreamed up by my own tormented mind.

Only when I opened my eyes he was still there, more than that he was looking at me. Staring at me with such intensity that my knees buckled and I had to grasp the side of the sink for support. I really shouldn't be letting him affect me like this, I should be pushing him away, telling him he's too late that I'm done with our games but in actual fact I'm completely defenceless as I gaze into those eyes. Hypnotised by the way he looked at me, I would have agreed to anything as he gently turned me around and he didn't say a word as he tilted my face to his and brought his lips to mine.

The bristles of his beard weren't scratchy like I thought; they were soft and tickled my skin. I'm not sure how I pictured this moment, the moment when I finally, finally got to taste the lips of the man I had loved for, well forever. My fantasies paled in comparison, my entire body was suddenly alive with electricity, the tenderest touch igniting a fire in my soul that sent my heart into overdrive. He tasted of maple syrup and coffee, not surprising given our breakfast but there was something else, something sweeter and deeper. He pushed a little harder, pressing me back against the worktop as his lips danced over mine, his tongue gently coaxing mine to join in, his teeth ever so gently grazing my bottom lip sending me into a furry of emotions and sensations. I felt the shift in mood immediately, he wasn't cautious anymore. he wasn't dipping his toes in to test the water Grissom had had a taste and he wanted more, his kissing becoming increasingly hungry and passionate, his hand slowly snaking its way down the length of my back until he reached the bare skin of my legs.

I felt an overwhelming urge to run, to remove myself from this situation. It was too much; it meant too much to me that I could already feel the magnitude of it welling up inside me. I pulled away speechless and panting, fireworks sparking across my body as I realised that I could live 100 years and the searing mark of that kiss would forever be imprinted on my soul.

"Are you sure about this?" I gasped, hoping and praying that he didn't say no.

And he didn't let me down; instead he took my hand and gently pressed kisses on each one of my trembling fingers.

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." He smiled softly, reminding both himself and me that we shouldn't overthink this "Oprah – she's not world renowned for nothing you know"

The words swam around in my brain; it was such a Grissom thing to say I was almost certain I heard it before he uttered it. So I took his advice, I took a deep breath and I sunk into his embrace while I let him kiss every trace of sorrow from my lips.


End file.
